Last week I listened to a wonderful webinar on “Dealing with Difficult Students,” by an experienced educator who talked about fostering relationships based on good content and patterns. I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about and have confronted this before. We create “scripts” in our heads or bad patterns based on the stories students tell us. I’m talking about students who say: “I can’t focus if I sit next to that student” or “He’s disturbing me” or even the very silent student who doesn’t participate much.
What threatens communication with these particular students is not what we say to them, but how we perceive them. Believe or not, our thoughts and perceptions can cause students to misbehave.
How Does this Work?
What Threatens Communication with Students
Some students carry a lot of emotional baggage with them throughout their schooling years. Imagine a student finally gets to study a subject he loves but he is afraid of failure. He stops coming to class or when he does come, he doesn’t participate and disturbs other students.
There are many obstacles that can threaten communication with students such as a feeling they can’t succeed, getting a grade without an explanation, the fear of always being wrong/fear of failure, mixed expectations, can’t meet the requirements, and lack of an opportunity to show their expertise. These are the signs… but what can we do as educators? What are the steps?
Start by Asking Yourself the REAL Questions
When responding to the student, consider the following questions:
·1.How much is s/he hurting the class?
2.Why might s/he be doing this?
3. Why might s/he want to stop this?
When you know the answers to these questions, then it’s possible to recreate the story.
Remake the Meaning - Focus on Content
Think of one situation where you can change the outcome by retelling the story. Remake your stories of how you decide to perceive a particular student. Decide to make a difference.
Work the Dialogue - Focus on Content
By focusing on content or what happened in the “story,” students can retell the story in a way that allows success. The first important step is to dialogue with the student:
· Apologize/Ask for clarity: “Please help me undertand why you have been turning your work in late.”
· Contrast: “We discussed this the first two assignment but now I’m seeing a pattern begin.”
· Commit: “I really want to see you succeed and we need to come up with a plan…”
Stopping the Scripts
We might not be able to reach all the students and even during challenging moments, it’s alright to report to a mentor and ask for intervention
· Listen, research and expand what you know.
· Invite new people to participate or give input, like a teacher mentor.
· Tell the story a different way.
Teach Courage to Change
Remember, you are not perfect. Let go of the past and start each new day with a clean slate. Separate the students’ behavior from the student. Always put your energies on the class and not on the individual. And celebrate your successes for all! After all, you’re also there for your students.
Dorit Sasson is a freelance writer, educator and founder and director of the New Teacher Resource Center.
Make Your Teaching Sparkle. Teach for Success. Make a difference in the classroom.
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