contributed by Theresa Schultz of the Stress-Free Parent

The parent/teacher conference is one of the most important interactions you will have with your child’s teacher during the school year. It is during this brief meeting that you will set the goals and expectations you have for your child. Follow these three tips for a successful and productive conference that will help you and your child start the school year off right.

1) Show up on Time and Come Prepared

You may only have fifteen minutes allotted for your conference, so do not arrive late. Likewise, if the parent and child ahead of you are running into your time, poke your head around the corner and let the teacher know you are there. You have a right to your full conference time, especially if you have more than one to attend; a gentle reminder that your time is limited is all that should be necessary.

Come prepared with a list of questions or concerns you may have regarding your child’s progress in school. If there is a special problem or obstacle to surmount, email the teacher in advance of the conference to give her a head’s up. That way, she will be ready to address the issue and can better suggest ways to deal with the situation.

Clue the teacher in on any problems or special concerns you might have; however, if your child attends the conference with you, be sure that you do not embarrass him. Those private emails might work better for informing the teacher of your concerns.

2) Let the Teacher Set the Tone

Whether or not your child attends the conference with you is up to your teacher, and you need to know this ahead of time. A lot of teachers prefer to have the child present, so you can all work as a team to set goals for a successful school year. Sometimes, though, your teacher may not choose to have your son or daughter present. She has a particular reason for this, so be respectful of that.

If your child does come with you, let the teacher set the tone. She may wish to speak directly to the child, letting the parent assume the role of supportive listener. This is fine; she’s trying to give your child a sense of his responsibility in the matter. If she solicits your opinion, by all means, give it, but let your child have his say too. This way he knows this is about him and he is an equal member in this partnership. Ask the teacher any questions you still have when she and your child have finished.

3) Set Goals at Home and at School

The purpose of the conference should be to set goals for the coming year. The teacher should have made clear her expectations for classroom behavior, attendance, homework and study habits at Back-To-School Night. This meeting is an opportunity for your child to set specific goals, to stretch himself to become a better student, either academically or in terms of behavior or leadership.

This is also where you let your child know your expectations for his success at school, including things like where and when to study, what kinds of letter grades he will shoot for, and how extra-curricular activities will come into play. Get these agreements in writing before school gets under way. You can revisit them during the year and see how well your child has done, reevaluating the contract as the year progresses.

This is especially important if you have older children. Many middle and high schools do not hold parent teacher conferences, because your child has several different instructors. While a teacher will always meet with you when there is a problem, you may not have an opportunity to say anything other than ‘Hello’ at Back-to-School-Night. In this case, it is absolutely vital that you set some goals with your child and then hold him accountable.